


You have my heart

by CrazyChicken



Category: Big Time Rush (TV)
Genre: Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24080656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyChicken/pseuds/CrazyChicken
Summary: James tucks Kendall in on the phone, after he moved to LA to become a singer. (Inspired byWorldwide)
Relationships: James Diamond/Kendall Knight
Kudos: 20





	You have my heart

Kendall is already in bed, half asleep by the time James calls. He was in a state of half-sleep, falling in and out of a dream about James where he was walking away and calling after him. “Come on, Kendall. Come with me,” he would say, waving Kendall to come closer, but Kendall couldn’t move, as if he was nailed to the ground, as he watches James move further and further until he was out of sight. It was a not a dream Kendall loved to stay in.

He can’t really blame it all on James, the late-night calls; at least part it is due to the two-hour time difference that they’re both still settling into. Seeing James’ name light up on his screen sends a bittersweet shock through Kendall’s body. No matter how excited he is to see his brand new lover’s face and hear his voice, it also brings the painful reminder that he’s not here, that he’s having fun without Kendall, and that they can’t kiss when they tell each other goodnight.

“Hey, James,” Kendall says, holding up the phone high above his head to get the best angle without having to sit up. He wants to ask where James is and what he’s doing, but he doesn’t get the time.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you were already in bed! Did I wake you?” James seems genuinely sorry.

“No it’s fine, I couldn’t sleep.” Kendall takes a deep breath. “I’ve been missing your body next to mine.”

James smile turns into a sad frown. “I know babe. Me too.”

Kendall has always hated it when couples call each other nicknames, especially generic ones like _babe_ , but he doesn’t mind when James does it.

“How was your day?” James asks, as if Kendall has anything interesting to tell.

“It was fine. Quite a busy day at the store. Threw a bit of ball with the guys, nothing out of the ordinary. It was cold,” Kendall snickers and his heart jumps a beat he see James smile too.

“It’s Minnesota in February, what do you expect?” James laughs.

“You’re right, you’re right, I could have known!” Kendall laughs. He imagined she smell of James’ shampoo in his nose and it brings back memories of the night before James left, but he pushes them away. “What did you do today?” he asks instead.

James lights up as he tells about his day in the recording booth and singing lessons with some world-famous vocal coach, then a pool party late afternoon and apparently another pool party at a different pool at night. It all sounds very LA and exactly like the kind of life that James always wanted for himself. Kendall tries to block those thought and focus on the sound of his voice and how close he is, even when he’s far away.

“Is it true what they say about people in LA?” asks Kendall, when James’ has told every detail about his day.

“What do they say?”

“That they’re all extremely attractive?” Kendall tries not to let the jealousy sound through.

“Not necessarily, but they are more tan and they’re wearing a lot less clothes than in Minnesota. You know, I would definitely like to see you in LA.” There’s a wicked grin on James’ face that makes Kendall feel so weak that thankful he’s already lying down.

“Soon,” Kendall promises, swallowing hard. There is something stuck in his throat, something like love, or loss, or regret. He can almost touch James and yet he’s miles and miles away.

“Babe, don’t cry,” James says. He knows Kendall too well to fall for this façade. “You know none of these people matter to me. It’s you, it’s always just you.”

“I know, it’s just… not fair.”

James nods, because he knows. They’ve been beating around the bush for years and finally Kendall had the courage to confess his feelings for James ten days before he left. They had so little time to be a real couple. They had ten tiny days in ten days, but it wasn’t enough. There were so many words left unspoken, so many things left undone. The last night…

Kendall turns on his side and tries to hide his face behind his blanket.

The last night before James left, he had insisted that Kendall stayed the night. They weren’t ready yet, but he wanted to enjoy every second together, so they spent half the night whispering sweet nothings and the other finding warmth in each other’s bodies. Kendall wishes James were here right now, to warm him up from the Minnesota cold and loneliness.

“Don’t cry or I’ll start too,” James says in mock anger.

It sends a burst of laugher through Kendall’s hurt. “Okay, I won’t. If you stop being too damn attractive for one minute.”

“Can’t promise that.”

They both laugh in synchrony, or whatever counts as synchrony in a video call on a mediocre Wi-Fi connection.

“Just wait,” James says in a hushed tone. “Soon we’ll be together again, and we’ll pick up right where we left off.”

“Hmm,” Kendall groans. “Eleventh date material? Sounds fun.” Kendall smiles lazily at the front-camera.

“Hey, can I sing you the song we’ve been working on? It’s not really a lullaby, but we can pretend it is. It’s called _Worldwide_.”

“Yes, please, I haven’t heard you sing in so long.” Kendall makes himself comfortable as James starts with a melodious _oh_. It’s not exactly a lullaby, but it’s not the upbeat pop that James usually sends Kendall. It has a tenderness to it that is accentuated by the fact that James is singing it acapella in some hotel room, and it looks like he means every word he sings. Slowly, James’ voice starts to calm Kendall down. The worries that he’d been holding onto all day – that James might fall for someone more interesting and tan than Kendall, that they wouldn’t see each other again for months, that LA had changed James – fade away and Kendall feels his eyelids drooping. It certainly _feels_ a lot like a lullaby.

“Just wanted to tuck you in. Sleep tight, babe.”

Kendall mumbles something back that sounds like “you too”, but he’s already dozing off. James stays on the phone for a while without saying a thing, watching his boyfriend fall asleep a million miles away. Kendall doesn’t see the kiss blows and he doesn’t hear the whispered “I love you”. He’s fast asleep holding his phone in his hand. In his dreams, he’s holding James.

_The show must go on so I need you to be strong_

_I'm never as far away as it may seem_

_Soon we'll be together_

_We'll pick up right where we left off_


End file.
